December: Forgiving Our Past

Forgiveness is often spoken of in the context of others: letting go of grudges, moving past betrayals, and finding peace in relationships. But what about forgiving ourselves? What about the burden of carrying shame, regret, and self-judgment for the person we once were?

I’ll admit I struggle with this. I’ve done MANY things I’m not proud of. I’ve hurt people, lied, cheated, and stolen. I’ve allowed myself to be used and treated as less than I deserved. I’ve betrayed my own integrity, chasing the hollow comfort of validation from others. There are memories that make me cringe, behaviors that fill me with regret, and choices that make me feel damaged beyond repair, wishing I could rewrite the past.

I’ve been reckless, spending money I didn’t have, harming my body, and exploiting myself in ways I can barely bring myself to admit. There are parts of my story that I’ve wanted to bury so deeply they’d never see the light of day. I’ve thought, how could I have done that? or why was I like that? I’ve spent nights drowning in humiliation, feeling broken and like I wasted some of the best years of my life.

It’s easy (so easy) to criticize and hate myself for the mistakes I’ve made. I often suspect my past is too much for anyone to handle. That I have too much baggage or skeletons in my closet to make me lovable. But the truth is, self-condemnation has never helped me heal. Beating ourselves up for our flaws only chains us tighter to our pain. And if you’re like me, you’ve probably noticed that no matter how much you punish yourself, it doesn’t undo the past.

But how do we move forward when the weight of our past feels unbearable? To forgive ourselves, we must begin by facing the parts of ourselves we’ve tried to hide; the faults, wounds, and shadows. The version of you you’re ashamed of still deserves compassion. That version of you was doing the best they could with what they knew, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Self-forgiveness requires us to let go of the need to be perfect. To release the idea that we should have known better or done better. If you had known how to choose differently, you would have. But you didn’t and that’s okay. You were growing.

Forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about integrating it into your story without letting it define you. Start by acknowledging your regrets without judgment. Sit with the discomfort of what you’ve done or experienced, and allow yourself to feel the emotions you’ve been avoiding. Then, ask yourself, what did I learn? How did those experiences shape me into the person I am today? Your past is not your prison; it’s your teacher. Every mistake, every wrong turn, every painful moment has contributed to your growth. The scars you carry are evidence of your resilience, not your perceived failure.

When you feel the urge to be cruel to yourself, that’s when you need your own kindness the most. Forgiveness is a practice of love, love that starts with you. You cannot hate yourself into becoming better but you can love yourself into recovering. When the voice in your head says, I was terrible. I had no dignity. I don’t deserve forgiveness, counter it with grace. I was doing my best. I didn’t know how to handle my pain. I am worthy of love, even in my brokenness.

The parts of yourself you are most ashamed of are also the parts that hold the greatest potential for transformation. The version of you who made questionable choices was simply seeking something - safety, love, belonging, escape. You don’t need to deny that part of yourself. Instead, honor it for surviving, for keeping you afloat when the waves of life felt like too much. If you’ve harmed others, apologize if possible. If you’ve harmed yourself, commit to taking better care of your body, mind, and soul moving forward. But above all, don’t let shame keep you stuck. You deserve the freedom that comes with letting go.

You are not the person you once were and neither am I. I work in this field because I truly believe people can change (if they so choose). Every day, you have a choice to show up differently. And while you can’t go back and rewrite the past, you can honor it as a stepping stone toward the person you’re becoming. Forgiveness is not a single moment, it’s a daily act of choosing to release resentment toward yourself. It’s about learning to love the imperfect, messy, human parts of yourself, like you do with others. It’s about holding space for your mistakes without letting them define your worth.

When you’re tempted to dwell in regret, remind yourself that you are not your worst moment. You are not your biggest mistake. You are the sum of your resilience, your courage, and your capacity to grow. Let go of the chains of your past. Embrace the person you were, flaws and all. Thank them for getting you here, and step forward with the love and grace you’ve always deserved and wanted. Because when we forgive ourselves, we set ourselves free❤️

XO,

Lorena