Casual Sex Is Not Empowering

This is a loaded topic, and I want to acknowledge something important up front; sexual trauma. A lot of survivors (myself included) tend to swing to extremes: either sexual avoidance (sexual anorexia) or the opposite, sexual promiscuity or even addiction. I’ve been on both ends. This post isn’t me saying my moral compass is the end-all-be-all. I’m not here to tell you what to do with your body. This is simply my truth, my experience, and what I’ve learned along the way. I’m not anti-sex. I think sex should be beautiful, sacred, and enjoyed. But the way we relate to it today? The way it’s marketed as “empowerment”? That deserves a second look.

Let me start with this; I haven’t had sex in ten months. Not because I can’t. Not because I don’t want to (trust me, there were plenty opportunities, and the old me would’ve gladly jumped on that). But I’ve grown. I’ve realized sex isn’t some throwaway, meaningless thing. In my twenties, I bought into the narrative that sleeping around was a form of power. That it meant I was owning my sexuality. Taking control. Being a badass. But now? I know better. Here's a truth bomb... if you don’t know whether someone would make a good parent to your child, you don’t know them well enough to be sleeping with them. Period. Because sex has real consequences physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Modern feminism has done some good, but let’s be honest there’s a darker side. Women have been conditioned to believe that self-exploitation is empowerment. That the more we objectify ourselves, the more in control we are. But let me ask you this... if a man asked you to strip down for validation, you’d call it misogyny. So why is it “empowering” when we do it to ourselves? We say we want to be respected, but we’re giving our bodies to people who haven’t even earned our trust. That’s not empowerment. That’s self-sabotage in disguise.

Let’s stop rewarding men for doing the bare minimum. Because a lot of them have stopped trying. And why would they try, when sex is always on the table no matter what?

Society tells us that sex is just like grabbing a burger. Quick. Easy. No strings attached. But what’s that doing to us as a culture? We’ve created a world where commitment feels unnecessary. Why build a relationship when a swipe can get you a warm body for the night? But sex isn’t casual. It’s not small. It can give you a disease. A baby. Trauma. And most of all? It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth. Every time you sleep with someone who doesn’t see you, value you, or respect you, you lose a little bit of yourself. Trust me, I’ve felt that slow chipping away of confidence. It’s real. And spiritually? Sex is an energetic exchange. Whether you believe in that or not, ask why you feel so drained after meaningless sex? Why does it leave you feeling emptier, not whole?

I’ve made a choice. I’m not being intimate with someone unless we’re in a committed relationship. Because I know what I bring to the table, and my body is not something to be given to just anyone. If that scares someone off? Good. That means they were only there for one thing anyway. We have more power than we realize. We set the standard for how we’re treated. Casual sex is so available these days that if you don’t hook up, people act like something’s wrong with YOU. Like you’re prudish or stuck up. But being the exception is brave. Holding yourself to a higher standard is strength. And this isn’t just for women. Men, step up too. A man who values himself doesn’t throw himself at every opportunity. A disciplined man is dignified. It’s not cool to be thirsty. It’s just icky. Self control is impressive.

Some people brag, “I can have sex with anyone and not get attached.” But babe (or bro), that’s not a flex. That’s numbness. That’s disconnection. That’s being so emotionally shut down that you can use another human being for a hit of dopamine without even caring who they are. That’s not liberation. That’s wounding. Moral of the story is we all need therapy, ok? Real empowerment looks like valuing yourself. Having boundaries. Protecting your peace. Knowing your worth. Waiting for someone who sees you as more than just a body. And if you’re tired of the lies, of feeling used, of giving parts of yourself away to people who ghost you the next morning, this is your wake-up call. Being celibate isn’t easy. Abstinence is hard AF. We’re human. We have needs. But we need to learn to meet our own needs first so we stop relying on Tom, Dick, and Harry to give us scraps of affection and call it fulfillment.

If this challenged you, good. That was the point. If you’re walking the same path of self-worth and higher standards, you are not alone. You are courageous. We are not here to be commodities. We are here to be cherished. Adored. Loved. Don’t let someone get you on discount. You are not on clearance. And yes, this goes for every gender. Being selective is admirable. Being desperate is not. We need to start viewing sex the same way we view food - nourishment. Quality over quantity. Because when you care about what you let in, your whole life starts to change. It’s not about shame. It’s about truth. And this comes from the protective mama bear in me. Because love isn’t lust. And desire isn’t devotion. You deserve all of you to be loved, not just the parts that are easy to take.

XO,

Lorena