When Did Men Stop Being Men?

When did effort become an inconvenience? When did attention, care, and genuine respect turn into rare luxuries rather than expectations? It pains me to see how so many men have grown comfortable with complacency accustomed to ease, to things effortlessly falling into place. Women hesitate asking for more because society taught them that doing so makes them too much to handle. I used to not make a big deal, because like many other women, we don't want to be seen as "making a fuss". We worry if we express our concerns then we'll be written off as crazy, high maintenance, or asking too much. But I am more. We are more. And we should never feel the need to apologize for it. What does it take to plan a date? I am not talking about scheduling a luxurious weekend getaway on a yacht. I am talking about making plans in advance, being a man of your word and sticking to them. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Low effort, last minute plans scream man child. I recognize this may seem offensive, especially if you fall into this kind of behavior. But we aren't in high school anymore, and I have faith that if the last guy I dated at 24 years young could impress me, so can you. I didn't have to worry if he was going to show up or call. He texted when he said he would. I felt safe, trusting him enough to be an integrous man of dignity & SHOW UP.

I see men walking through life oblivious to the richness that comes with true connection. Blind to the beauty that unfolds when you truly see a woman not just glance at her. Blind to the power of treating a woman with reverence, curiosity, and devotion not as a means to an end, but because it is an honor. Because she is a masterpiece. Because her soul holds a depth that deserves to be recognized and cherished. If you're taking a woman out with the intention of getting something from her in return at the end of the night, your intentions are not sincere. Some men derive genuine joy from making a woman happy and treating her well. They're not buying her dinner simply to get into her pants 2 hours later. If this sounds like you, then it appears to me that perhaps you are looking for a girl, and not a woman.

When did the pursuit of love become outdated? When did it become too much to be a gentleman? To move with intention? To make a woman feel like the rare and extraordinary being that she is worthy of care, admiration, and protection? This world has grown hollow. Superficial. Transactional. Performative. And it breaks my heart. I've had too many instances where I have been fooled into believing a man wanted something more than just a physical connection. I met their friends, their families, they took photos with me and said they loved me. All to be told at the end of the night that exclusivity wasn't on their radar, while I was upfront and honest from the get-go. Why go through the trouble? Is it a matter of stroking the ego? To convince yourself you aren't a coward? I found this experience to be more prevalent in Europe than the USA, believe it or not. Of course the rug was pulled from under me in America but not nearly as much (or as deceptively) as in Europe. For this reason, I've decided that I no longer have sexual intimacy outside the confides of committed relations.

I crave the depth. The romance. The presence. A man who seeks more than what meets the eye .. who longs to understand, to witness, to show up. A man who puts in the effort not because he is obligated to, but because honoring a woman's worth is second nature to him. Yet, men like that seem to be disappearing. And that is heartbreaking. Heartbreaking that nobody can seem to be bothered anymore. Not just for me, but for all the women who have settled for less than they deserve. For the ones who feel like their desires are too much to ask for. For the men who are lost and afraid. For the ones who strive to be better yet watch others get by with the bare minimum. Something sacred is missing from this world the true meeting of masculine and feminine, the dance of admiration, care, passion, and respect. Not the surface-level kind. Not the fleeting kind. But the kind built on truth, soul, and undeniable beauty. When I minored in gender studies in grad school, I learned the importance of respect for a man. But I am wondering why many men, can't seem to offer women the same level of respect they expect and often, demand. Why they can't give women the respect of an answer? Why they can't give women the respect of taking accountability for their wrong-doings? The last guy I went out with broke my heart. He didn't mean to, but he did, nonetheless. I called him out on his bullshit. I thought he could do better and I wanted him to be aware of it, because I felt he was capable of more. He didn’t like this, so he ran away and hid like the scared little boy he pretended not to be, but ultimately was (much to my disappointment) all along. If you can't be held responsible without getting defensive or disappearing, you are a boy, not a man

These fatal flaws aren't solely limited to dudes but to both genders. Both sexes can't seem to muster up the courage to be transparent in their words and if they are, it's becoming increasingly rare for their actions to match them. Deep vulnerability is hard, so we'd rather entertain surface level connections because it requires nothing of us. Casual sex demands no self control or maturity. Swiping, hookups and situationships are the fast food, junk food of modern relationships. And although true love is scarce, I refuse to stop believing in it. I am, and always will be, a hopeful romantic. I know great men exist. I hear from them. I see them. But today, my heart aches for what has been forgotten. Today, I mourn the loss of the real gentleman. And today, I pray that more men will wake up to who they were meant to be.

XO,

Lorena