Read This If You're Heartbroken

You are meant to experience heartbreak. It's something we all go through. If you're courageous enough to open your heart, you're meant to encounter people with whom you form deep connections. Through these relationships, you learn things about yourself and others, discovering what it means to be together. But as life progresses, you outgrow some of them. The ties that bind you may not always last, and you're meant to learn from both the joys and the losses.

I’ve had my heart broken more times than I can count, more than anyone I’ve ever met, actually. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m a hopeless romantic; some call me naïve, others say I'm gullible. My big heart has often led me into situations where I’ve been taken advantage of. Seeing the best in people, being uber forgiving and understanding has been a detriment, at times. Yet, it wouldn’t be fair to place all the blame on the people I’ve dated; I’ve had my own share of faults. I’ve acted out of wounds and ego, done things I regret, and hurt others along the way. I’ve made mistakes, shameful ones, but I can still sleep at night knowing my heart has always been pure, never driven by malicious intent. I’ve been spiteful at times, but looking back, I understand that even my worst behaviors stemmed from trying to get my needs met in misguided ways.

I’ve ignored red flags, given too much too soon, and dived headfirst into relationships I knew weren’t right for me. I’ve sought attention to numb my pain, to escape from self-hatred, even for just a night. My heart has been deeply scarred, but as I’ve come to learn, when we have the ability to hurt, we also have the ability to heal. Recently, I journaled about feeling “disowned” - a word I hadn’t thought about until I heard it in a book, but it resonated deeply. I’ve felt disowned many times in my life. Disowned as a baby when I was adopted, disowned by my parents when their love was conditional, disowned by peers when I was bullied, and disowned by men who rejected or ghosted me. Most painfully, I’ve disowned myself when I felt imperfect or unlovable.

I’ve been grappling with feelings of being disowned by someone I loved, feeling like I was convenient for them until they no longer needed me. It was as though I gave them a free trial access to be part of my life, only to be returned when it was over. That sense of being discarded has left me feeling resentful and bitter. But I’ve too disowned parts of myself; especially my body, when I didn’t feel pretty, perfect, or “good enough.” I’ve learned to hate the parts of me that got me rejected, changing myself in an attempt to earn love. But I realize now that I deserve someone who doesn’t need to change me in order to want me. Love shouldn't be transactional... I’m not a project to be fixed, and neither are you.

I keep attracting the same painful dynamics, and I’ve been stuck in the belief that someone else’s desire will fill the gaping hole in my heart. It’s as if I’ve been waiting for someone else’s love to give me permission to love myself. I’ve tied my worth to whether or not someone chooses me. My greatest fears (being ghosted, rejected, unloved) have only reaffirmed this belief. Yet I see now that the prison I’ve been living in was never outside of me; it’s within my own mind. And just as we feel trapped, we also hold the key to freedom.

But I digress... I know these words don’t ease the shock you're feeling right now. It feels like your whole body has gone numb, like you're still reeling from the disconnection of something you once believed in and found comfort in. But even though it hurts, know that it's normal. We aren’t meant to be torn from what we've grown attached to, and if life is creating distance, there’s a reason, often beyond what we can see in the moment (trust me).

Right now, take care of yourself. Find a safe space to express everything you feel, and once you’ve let it all out, consider this: you get to decide whether your losses are just painful moments or opportunities for growth. These setbacks can either be low points you move through or pivotal moments that push you toward investing in yourself. They’re part of a process that teaches you important lessons.

There’s no guarantee that everything will turn out better in the end, but when we learn to use our pain, frustration, and disappointment as fuel for inspiration and hope, we start to see ourselves as more complete people. Growth comes not only from what goes right but also from what goes wrong. As cliche as it sounds, the setbacks of today prepare us for the successes of tomorrow. Although my life has been far from perfect, I know this to be true.

Heartbreak is a universal experience. If you're brave enough to love, you're bound to feel lost sometimes. You might make a mess of things, but that's okay because nothing works perfectly until it does. You’ll face heartbreak until you find someone who will truly cherish your heart. The lessons learned from the wrong ones will guide you toward the right one, so I am told.

If things aren’t going as planned, there’s a reason. Maybe right now, you're alone because there’s something you need to learn about yourself that can only be discovered in solitude. Perhaps this quiet period is helping you build a more authentic version of yourself, one that will be ready for the people and places that are meant for you.

Loneliness doesn’t come from the absence of others, but from a disconnection with yourself. You can feel the loneliest in a crowded room or be perfectly content in your own company. The real journey is about building a strong relationship with yourself, because that’s the foundation for all other relationships in your life. Solo-travel has taught me this, above all else.

This time is an opportunity to become your own best companion. It's important because, no matter who comes into your life, you are the one who wakes up with yourself every day. You are the one responsible for your own decisions, your own happiness, and your own sense of purpose. We are the ones who have to love ourselves through every high and low, whether we like it or not.

When you’re no longer afraid of being alone, you liberate yourself from the fear of loss. You stop relying on others for your sense of security. Even if all your dreams come true and you're surrounded by the people you love, you cannot avoid moments of solitude. Learning to face this truth shows your strength and your commitment to living authentically, rather than clinging to connections out of fear, or attachment. This is something I am working on.

So, I say to myself, and I say to you: one day, you will find that togetherness you crave. You’ll meet someone who loves you as deeply as you love them, someone who wants to share every part of life with you. This future love will highlight all of your insecurities, but the work you're doing now, learning to love and grow through your traumas, will make you ready for it.

Will the version of you who meets your life partner be someone who has transcended beyond the heartache, or will you remain anchored in the sorrows of the past? It may not feel like it right now but ultimately, I promise, you have the power to decide.

XO,

Lorena