March: A Lesson in Love & Letting Go

It has been said one of the most difficult challenges we will ever face in our human existence is the ability to let go. But what does this mean? What is it, exactly, that we “need” to let go of? How do we know that we’ve truly let something go? I ask myself these questions often.

A reoccurring theme in my life has been the lesson of surrender, release and detachment. When we let something go, we are thereby saying to the universe that we trust it to provide for us, we believe we can have that which we desire or perhaps something better. In doing so, metaphysics would suggest that by releasing, we place our faith in a higher power to guide and support us where we need to be led.

And therein lies the issue with me. You see, I never fully believed that the universe had my back. I always felt like God or whoever, hated me. I was unlucky, being punished for my past life sins/karma and nothing ever goes my way. “I never get what I want” was my mantra for the past 27 years. Until I discovered divine timing and started to believe that nothing in this life is accidental.

I truly trust that what is meant for us will not miss us. That we can not keep what does not wish to be kept. And that by letting go, we welcome in what is destined to be. If we never open the window to let the old, stale air out, we never invite in the clean, fresh air. We must vent out that which no longer serves us in order open the door to wonderful, new and promising opportunities. If we cling to our last breath in fear that oxygen won't follow, we suffocate and die.

These are all analogies in the lesson of letting go. We refuse to let go because we fear something better might not follow. We are so familiar with the discomfort of our sadness, stagnation and grief, that we remain trapped in a victimized mindset. The false sense of control and clinging to our past, is what prevents us from moving forward, not our life circumstances.

It is quite easy to feel sorry for ourselves. It is quite hard to throw up our hands to the universe and ask God to show us the way. They say if your car hydroplanes the best thing you can do is to avoid the natural urge to panic and slam your brakes. By doing so, you cause your vehicle to spin completely out of control. But when we slow down and remain calm, we have a better chance of stabilizing and getting back to safety. The same is true when it comes to our lives. There is a wisdom in taking our hands off the metaphorical steering wheel. It doesn’t mean we need to give up or throw in the towel but rather, instead of doing more and fighting what is, perhaps the bravest thing we can do is to simply pray.

We assume that by pushing and resisting the current that we will get to where we want to be. Instead of letting the waves carry us, we struggle and suffer endlessly. Eventually we drown in our frustration, convinced life is against us. I have realized that rejection truly is protection. Although we can rarely see it in the moment, it is a divine opportunity to be redirected. Maybe what (or who) I want isn’t really what (or who) I need. When we let go of what we think is best, we open our hands and our hearts to the often-hidden blessings of what the universe is trying to manifest into our lives.

I say all of this because I had a bittersweet moment just last night. For almost one year I couldn’t let go of this fantasy I had about a person who couldn’t love me. I thought his refusal to love me meant there was nothing to love about me. I tried and tried, I gave him all that I had and more than he deserved (or earned) until I couldn’t anymore. My heart was broken, and I felt rejected, small and defeated. Until just recently, when I looked at this person last night and realized I was no longer in love with them, the way I once thought I was. It was a beautiful moment to recognize I reclaimed the power I had given to this person. I did not wish them ill, but I was no longer consumed by ideas of how I would get them to feel the same. It was not overnight, it was trying, it was tough, but it spoke to my resiliency and courage. Last night I looked at them and for the first time I did not feel inferior, unwanted, and invisible. I felt a whisper, a confirmation, a pride in knowing there was nothing more to want, nothing left to lose, and everything left to gain. In my heart, I felt a peace and a strength. I had finally let go.