May: You’re Allowed to Want Love

I’ve been single for three years. I haven’t dated in ten months. I’ve been celibate since last July. I connect with myself all the time through journaling, reflection, therapy, self-soothing, solo travel, and endless self-analysis. I’ve faced the shadows, cried through lonely nights, and held myself when no one else did. I’ve whispered to my inner child and rebuilt myself brick by brick after heartbreak. And still, I want love.

Not in a desperate, fill-the-void kind of way. But in a deeply human way. I miss being held. I miss being seen through someone else’s eyes, not just my own mirror. I miss the comfort of good morning texts and the easy laughter that only happens when you're safe in someone else's presence. Recently, I was briefly involved with someone. He stirred up parts of me that still ache with abandonment and confusion. And even though I told him not to text me again, a part of me still hopes he will. Not because he’s right for me but because I miss talking to him. It’s so quiet without him. He made me feel seen, for the first time in forever.

And I’m tired. Not just tired of being alone. I’m tired of being told that I need to stay alone until I reach some magical finish line of “enoughness.” That I need to do more inner work. That I need to be more healed. That I need to become so whole I no longer crave another human being. That only when I am perfectly detached, will love arrive. But what if I’ve already done the work? What if I’ve already been alone? What if I’m not lacking, but ready?

There’s this pervasive myth in the self-help world that needing connection is a flaw. That craving intimacy means you’re not evolved. But I call bullshit. We’re wired to connect. That’s not codependency, it’s biology. It’s longing. It’s love. It’s human. Yes, I’ve made mistakes. Yes, I’ve ignored red flags. Yes, I’ve gone on late-night dates with strangers and been hurt in ways that haunt me. I’ve been through trauma I’m still processing. But I’m learning. I’m growing. I am wiser now. And I’m no longer interested in punishing myself for wanting someone to share my life with.

I don’t want to spiral sexually when I’m abroad this summer. I want to stay rooted in my worth. I want to protect the softness I’ve reclaimed. I’m afraid of slipping, of losing myself in fun or in attention but I’m also afraid of continuing to be so strong, so independent, that I become walled off from what I desire most. I’m allowed to want love. YOU ARE ALLOWED to want love. We all are.

Not when we’ve done more self-work. Not once we’ve stopped longing. But now. Right now. As we are. Lonely, brave, imperfect, yearning, worthy. You don’t have to justify your longing. You don’t have to apologize for your desire. You don’t have to explain your heart. You’ve been with yourself. You’ve stayed through the silence. You’ve already proven your strength.

Now you get to hope for love again xx